I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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