sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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