i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
