and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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