Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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