Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize