It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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