just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
COCAINE IS GR8
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
