I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
