im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
