hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
