I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
