I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
