I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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