Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
