doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
