thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
