So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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