Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
