exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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