yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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