Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
