So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
