we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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