Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
do nipples grow back?
The ass gains better be worth it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize