you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
