In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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