SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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