I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize