I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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