I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
