My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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