Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize