Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
