My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
