This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize