True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
