i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Rumble strips road head = magical
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
