tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
