oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
