he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
