I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize