I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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