a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
