Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
