The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
