I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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