i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
