i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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