people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
