Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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