I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
