can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize