It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
