Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
