I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
