He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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