non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize