Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
