So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
