I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im part way to drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize