I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they're like a gay fantastic four
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
