Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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