I'm really into asian looking animals
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
