I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
