I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
