no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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