I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You smell like a Billy Joel song
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
