i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
