am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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