he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
