I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
