i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
