I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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