Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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