the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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