He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
