the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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