I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize