I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
