see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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