how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
