why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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