watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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