you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
