if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
