covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
