Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
