You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
