did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
