it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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