I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
