your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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