we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
