I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
