All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
