Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
