We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As shirtless as possible
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
