Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
