So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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