Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize