Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
