Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have fence marks all over my body
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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