If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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