I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
