soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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