she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize