What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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