Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
